The hypocrisy of expats

I have joined several expat groups on FB, and I have left some for various reasons. But there seems to be a common thread in many of the posts that I've read. That thread is: "I want to go experience other cultures and peoples, as long as they behave like I want them to/the way people behave in my home country!!"

For me, I'm trying to experience my time here somewhat akin to Jane Goodall. I'm not saying I view the local peoples as primates, but that I am observing them and trying to fit in without judgement. Ok, maybe not so much "without judgement", but I'm not interested in changing the local people to be more "American". Much like someone who may be staying for a time with a friend, you try to follow their rules and expectations. And, if you don't like it, then you leave. You don't try to change your friend (as long as they're not doing anything illegal).

But I've read enough expat posts to see that people don't like it when the local people act, well, like the local people. Or they have no desire to try and fit in. Or, worse, they try to change the local people to be more like how they think they should behave. It gets under my skin. And it kind of negates the whole "I want to experience other cultures" argument for moving abroad.

One woman got completely wrapped around the axle because she was objectified. I have no idea where she was, but she was making it a point to threaten the local people for treating her that way. She had been told that there was no malice associated with it (think wolf-whistles or comments about her appearance... basically, think 1950's US). She didn't care, she was going to make sure they knew their local customs were not going to fly with her and she was going to change them. So, I have to wonder, why did she move to this country?

Another thread I read was commenting about how well the local women dressed. A few of the replies were along the lines of "screw it, I'm going to wear my yoga pants in public and I don't care!" Sigh.

So, the next time someone tries to make you feel small because you haven't ventured past the boundaries of your country and opened your mind to other peoples, cultures and customs, just smile and nod, cuz they're probably full of crap.

Greetings and salutations!!

Goededag!!

There is no shortage of greetings in the Dutch language, and every conversation is to be bookended with some form of hello and goodbye.

Dag - literally means day but can be used as both hello and goodbye

tot <insert word here> -- (these are all ways of saying goodbye) tot ziens, tot morgen (until tomorrow), tot <day of the week>, tot <insert time of day e.g. middag and avond: until this afternoon or until this evening>, tot later, tot straks (see you later -- no idea how this is different than tot later)

doei

doei doei

hoie -- hi

hallo

goededag -- good day

goedenmorgen -- good morning
(there is an abbreviation of this that people often use which is simply "morgen", except, technically, "morgen" by itself means "tomorrow", "ochtend" means "morning", so....)

goedenmiddag --  good afternoon

goedeavond -- good evening

(I cannot keep straight when the "n" is included!!)

Fijne <time> -- these are ways of saying "have a good..." fijne avond, fijne dag, fijne weekend...

I'm sure there are a 1000 others I'm omitting, but you get the point.

You can be as rude as hell at any point in time between these bookends and that's ok, but YOU MUST INCLUDE THE BOOKENDS OR YOU ARE RUDE!! Clear as mud, right?

So, for now, I'll say "doei doei"!

That ain't no Dutch child!

I saw a child the other day on a bicycle with training wheels. OBVIOUSLY that was not a Dutch child. I mean, the Dutch have their children on some form of wheeled apparatus from the moment they spew forth from the womb. Stroller (lazy brat needs to get off his back and onto a bike ASAP!), sitting behind adult on a bicycle, sitting in front of adult on a bicycle, tiny bicycle with no training wheels (thank God they mastered standing for more than 2 seconds at a stretch!), medium bike, adult bike. That is basically the evolution of a Dutch citizen.

fietsen en fietsers zijn koning

Here in our tiny little part of the world bicycles (fietsen) and bicyclists (fietsers) are king. They sit at the top of the pecking order, above pedestrians and even above cars and drivers.

1) There is nary a store in NL that doesn't have some bike equipment/accessory for sale. Spare tires, bike pumps, seat covers, locks and lights can be found in pretty much every chain store. Kruidvat (closest US equivalent is Walgreens or CVS)... check! Action (closest equivalent is Wal-Mart, if Wal-Mart opened a store in the land of the Liliputians)... check! Albert Heijn (grocery store)... check! I may not be able to find American style coffee cream but I can sure as shit find a bike part!!

2) Roads and sidewalks are modified to accommodate bicycles. In many places there is a special lane built specifically for bicycles. If not a special lane, then part of the existing driving lane is reserved for bicycles. And if that fails, hell, there's always the road itself or the sidewalk. Basically, if a bicyclist feels like biking somewhere, nothing is going to stop them. Just today I saw someone biking on the boardwalk RIGHT BESIDE THE BIKE LANES! I really did not understand this since the municipality makes sure the bike lanes are cleared of snow, which we had left over from the other day, but not the walking areas. WHAT GIVES?! My head almost exploded.

Many staircases have a ramp built into them so people can walk their bike down the sidewalk on the ramp. We wouldn't want to inconvenience the bicyclist, right?

It's not uncommon to see a do not enter road sign with the obligatory "uitgezonderd" ("except") and a picture of a bicycle.

Bicycles are ALWAYS "uitgezonderd" - even if there is no sign

3) Bicyclists seem to have a general disregard for rules of conduct. In some places the bike lane is 2-way but in other places it's 1-way, 1 bike lane on each side of the road. In situations where the bike lane is 1-way and a bicyclist doesn't feel like going to the other side of the road to bike in the correct direction, they simply bike on the sidewalk. Cuz, ya know, pedestrians are just that insignificant.

Another way in which bicyclists don't want to be inconvenienced is if their destination is a little further ahead down the sidewalk. Instead of staying on the bike path as long as possible or dismounting and walking their bicycles on the sidewalk, they will just continue zipping along the sidewalk until they reach their location.  Again, pedestrians be damned!!

In some places bars have been erected offset from each other. I haven't figured out if they're supposed to prevent bicycles completely or just force bicyclists to dismount. (I'm pretty sure they're not to prohibit cars because short metal poles are usually used for that). Whatever their purpose, they don't work. Not only do bicyclists ignore the bars, I've rarely seen 1 dismount when going through.

"Why do they put these things up to slow me down?!"

Yes, I have a bike. I try to follow the rules of the road. I know I've made some mistakes, and I deeply regret them. Heck I even had a Dutch woman curse at me because I stopped in the middle of the bike lane. Fortunately the Dutch word for sorry is "sorry". The bicyclists simultaneously expect everyone  to follow the rules AND feel the rules don't apply to them.

So if you want to visit NL and bike around, be prepared. The language, the signs, the unspoken rules, and the natives themselves will eat you alive.

Omas and Opas

I've noticed that it's not uncommon to see elderly people with small children here. I've learned enough Dutch to recognize the older ones saying "Oma" (grandma) or "Opa" (grandpa) when addressing these people. Thus, I can only conclude that grandparents (grootouders) are a source of childcare. I can only speak for The Hague, but schools close at noon on Wednesdays. I have no idea why, they just do. I'd imagine this can put a strain on a dual income family... although one would assume there would be daycare available to fill this void. But that doesn't seem to be the case. Here again, I have no clue. Maybe the daycare workers also have to pick up their children from school? Either way... I have become accustomed to seeing 1 or 2 older people walking/strolling/biking with a little one. For that I will give Nederlanders some credit. The extended family seems to be more involved and more supportive.

Shithole ashtray country

Nope... I'm not talking about some third world country. I am talking about The Netherlands. Or, at least, my little part of The Netherlands which, in and of itself, is a little part of The Hague (Den Haag) called Schevneningen (nope... you didn't pronounce that properly, I can guarantee you didn't). People here do not feel compelled to either pick up their dog crap or throw away their cigarette buts. It does not matter if there is a trash can within eyesight of where they are. Nope... they just let it lie. I have literally seen piles of cigarette butts within 3 feet (1 meter) of either a trash can or, better yet, a hole in the ground with a sign above it with a picture of a cigarette and the words "Feed Me". The butts are an eye sore, but not a big deal. The dog crap, however, is repulsive and a pain. Nothing like a heavy rain to make a nice, big pile of dog feces get all liquidy. I even accidentally stepped in a pile once, in my running shoes, which have a deep tread. THAT was fun to clean up... NOT. For some reason they love to brick over just about every square inch of land, except for the tram tracks. Those have grass. Finding something to try and extricate the embedded dog poop out of my shoes was a chore, given the lack of green space. Needless to say, I was NOT a happy camper that day.

So... shithole ashtray country pretty much sums up how I feel some days.